


It Was Always You

by Rylegacy



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 00:47:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3402275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rylegacy/pseuds/Rylegacy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It took Walter White 50 years to wake up, but it also took him 50 years to find the one person who would mean the most to him. Oh, how love and heartache can make us do crazy and insane things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Was Always You

**Author's Note:**

> Yay, my first BrBa fan fic. Anyways, I'll keep this short and sweat. What started out as simply a scene from a longer Walt/Jesse story sorta evolved into it's own special unique thing, and I felt like I wanted to share this with everyone since we all love these characters and on this site there is already a damn good sized group of Walt/Jesse shipping lovers. I just wanted to contribute something as well :)
> 
> And yes, for those wondering, the title is a reference to the Maroon 5 song of the same name. I hope others agree with me that, as they read this, the song seems to fit these two exceptionally well.
> 
> Yes, I'll admit it's pretty fluffy and a little PWP but as I said, it started out as part of a much longer thing but then evolved on its own as I went along. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

Moonlight was the only thing illuminating Jesse’s bedroom. It was a strangely calm and peaceful night. Jesse was spread out like a starfish on his bed, one arm and hand tucked under the pillow beneath his head. While the night outside was cool and relaxing, inside… Jesse was struggling to sleep. Droplets of sweat covered his body. He’d been tossing and turning for a good 45 minutes before he decided to give up on sleeping for the moment. He needed something cold right now.

 

He sat up in bed and pathetically climbed over towards the door and walked down the stairs.

 

_(Woke up sweating from a dream…)_

 

Jesse reached the kitchen and pulled open the refrigerator door. He’d found a half full bottle of Gatorade he’d failed to finish earlier that night and proceeded to chug down the remnants of the red liquid.

 

_(With a different kind of feeling…)_

 

\- - - - -

 

Across town, at his small one bedroom apartment, Walt stared at himself in the mirror, wiping away beads of sweat rolling down his bald head.

 

_(All day long my heart was beating…)_

 

Walt closed his eyes, trying to get the thoughts out of his mind. Had he really been thrown down this low? Skylar had kicked him out; his son has disowned his birth name in order for his own “identity”; add in a bunch of other stresses related to his cooking ventures, lung cancer worries and he felt he was pretty overdue for a heart attack.

 

Yet, something unknown yet vaguely familiar forced him to go back to the nightstand next to his bed and grab his cell.

 

_(Searching for the meaning…)_

 

\- - - - -

 

Jesse sat on a stool next to the ceramic island in the middle of the kitchen, flipping through his phone’s contact list, wondering if anyone would be awake at that hour. _Skinny? No, he’s probably passed out cold. Wendy? Wait, she doesn’t even have a cell that can work most of the time. Mr. White? Last thing he wants is to hear from Jesse at this late hour._ As he pressed down on Badger’s name ( _he has the stupidest schedule in existence_ ), an icon appeared, telling him he’d received a new text. With an eyebrow raised, he clicked on it and was surprised to see it was from Mr. White.

 

_(Hazel eyes…)_

 

_**Are you awake?**_ The text read.

 

_(I was so colorblind…)_

 

One side of Jesse’s lips began to rise a little, yet even he was surprised that he was… happy(???), that it’d been Mr. White, of all people, who had texted him at the late hour. With a sleepy smile beginning to form on his face, Jesse began to text back.

 

_(We were just wasting time…)_

 

\- - - - -

 

_**Yea. You ok?** _

 

Walt briefly considered responding back, but he’d already pulled his jeans up over his waist, grabbed his wallet and car keys and was out through the door.

 

_(For my whole life…)_

 

Walt slid into the driver’s seat of his Aztek, contemplating texting Jesse back, telling him that it was nothing and that he should head back inside to sleep it off, before doing something he regretted.

 

( _We never crossed a line…)_

 

Walt’s lower jaw went back and forth as he thought. Pulled apart by what he “felt” were right verses what he wanted, what he’d wanted for quite some time.

 

_(Only friends in my mind…)_

 

_Fuck it_ , Walt thought to himself. For the last few weeks it felt like the whole world had been working against him. _About time I do what I want and take what I want_.

 

Walt drove, single-mindedly, towards Jesse’s house. Determined, his mind made up. No going back. He was aware that he’d probably run a few red lights on the way. He couldn’t give a fuck at that point.

 

_(But now I realize…)_

 

\- - - - -

 

Walt reached Jesse’s driveway and in one single motion, turned off the car, pulled the key out and stepped outside. He looked over towards the front of the house, and with the help of the bright moonlight, made out a face looking back at him from within.

 

_(It was always you…)_

 

Jesse stood in the living room, up against the main front window. He fidgeted in his oversized t-shirt and Spider-Man boxers. He didn’t even realize that he was still holding onto the empty Gatorade bottle.

 

As Mr. White walked across the grass towards the front door, Jesse turned and slowly walked to the door as well. He took in deep breaths, unaware of how all this might turn out. He didn’t even know how he wanted it to turn out himself.

 

_(Can’t believe I could not see it all this time…)_

 

Unknown to Jesse, Walt was doing the exact same breathing exercise as he moved across the wet grass. The walk seemed farther this time, almost as if his mind was warping reality to give him one last chance to pull back and prevent any unnecessary damage.

 

_(All this time…)_

 

Walt pressed forward, undeterred. _Why can’t I have what I want?_

 

_(It was always you…)_

 

Knock, knock, knock. Jesse exhaled one last time before opening the door. Mr. White was standing there, hands down in front of his waist, rubbing up against each other. One of Mr. White’s ticks he’d recalled, whenever his partner is crime was deep in thought.

 

_(Now I know why my heart wasn’t satisfied…)_

 

Walt and Jesse’s gaze met one another, and the older man was the first to look down at the ground as his cheeks blushed.

 

( _Satisfied…)_

 

“Yo, Mr. White. Everythin’ alright?” Jesse asked, his cheeks blushing as well as he realized he’d been standing in front of him without any pants on.

 

Walt looked back up at him, mouth slightly agape.

 

_(It was always yooouuuuu…)_

 

“Can I come in?” Mr. White asked plainly. Jesse nodded and side-stepped as Walt slowly took a few steps into Jesse’s living room.

 

_(Yoooouuuuuu…)_

 

Jesse closed the door, turned to face Mr. White as he looked around the darkened living room. He looked at him with an expression that was a hybrid of concern, worry and curiosity.

 

( _No more guessing who…)_

 

“Mr. White? What’s wrong? Talk to me. You ok?” Jesse asked as he spread his arms wide, taking a few steps towards Walt. The older man turned to look at Jesse and half his mouth had formed into a smile.

 

_(Looking back now I know it was always you…)_

 

“Now I am.” Walt said with a full smile.

 

( _Always you…)_

 

Walt pushed Jesse up against the front door forcefully, which caused him to finally drop the Gatorade bottle. Hungrily, Walt pressed his lips against Jesse’s, craving a nibble on his lower lip.

 

_(All my hidden desires…)_

 

Jesse put his hands up on Walt’s shoulders, as if he wanted to push him off, but he couldn't find the energy or will to do it. Closing his eyes, he melted into Walt’s passionate kiss that had been pent up for so long that when unleashed, it was more forceful than what had been intended.

 

( _Finally came alive…)_

 

As Walt brushed his tongue against Jesse’s mouth, hoping the kid would take the hint and give him entry; he placed his hands on Jesse’s waist and slowly made his way up the bare skin underneath the ridiculously oversized shirt.

 

_(No, I never told a lie…)_

 

Jesse reached around Mr. White’s back and rubbed at his shoulder blades. Walt felt the sensation through his shirt and pressed himself tighter up against Jesse. Groins pressing against each other, Walt holding Jesse in place with his hands on the slender man’s ribs.

 

( _To you so why would I_ …)

 

Jesse opened his mouth and Walt immediately invaded Jesse with his tongue. The tingling sensation of Walt’s beard against Jesse’s lips and nose caused him to wrap his arms completely around Mr. White, pulling him in as tightly as physically possible.

 

_(Start tonight…)_

 

Walt pulled out of Jesse’s mouth and began sucking at the skin underneath Jesse’s left ear. Jesse fluttered his eyes open and looked up at the ceiling as he let out moans and whines of pleasure.

 

( _Hazel eyes…)_

 

Is this what he’s always wanted? Ever since Mr. White came back into his life, Jesse had thought of him as more fatherly, but the simple fact that he was melting into the way Mr. White was claiming his body suggested that there might have been something more, something he never realized…

 

_(I was so colorblind…)_

 

… Jesse’s thought was interrupted as Walt reached down into Jesse’s boxers with one hand, firmly clasping his right butt cheek. The sensation sent Jesse involuntarily jolting up and thrusting his hardening cock against Mr. White’s own pelvic region. Jesse immediately felt the hard thickness in his partner’s pants as well.

 

_(We were just wasting time…)_

 

Walt moved his other hand that had been massaging Jesse’s back down below the waistline as well and firmly grasped the other cheek. Jesse shut his eyes tightly as he exhaled, but quickly turned into another whine. _My god_ , Walt thought to himself. _The noises coming out of Jesse’s mouth should be illegal_.

 

As Walt continued to the suck his way along Jesse’s neck from one side to the other, licking at a spot before fiercely kissing at it, he tightly squeezed the younger man’s ass, forcing Jesse to continue his involuntary habit of thrusting forcefully upward and against Walter.

 

_(For my whole life…)_

 

Jesse held onto Mr. White’s shoulders, biting his lower lip to keep his moaning to a minimum but he was sure that he was biting down so hard that blood might start to leak out.

 

( _We never crossed a line_ …)

 

Walt pulled away to look Jesse in the eyes. Those perfect blue eyes. Walt had always found himself attracted to them; the purity of childlike innocence within them, but never like this. Never wanted to get lost in them. Never wanted to be the reason they glistened as they did now, shining so brightly against the moonlight, against the darkness surrounding them. The eyes of an angel.

 

( _Only friends in my mind…)_

 

Jesse lowered his hands down the waistline of Walt’s pants and gripped the belt loops on either side. They stared into each other, craving each other, desperate to hold onto each other, desiring to pull each other together so tightly that they would become one.

 

( _But now I realize…)_

 

They had made their way to the kitchen, Walter holding Jesse in his arms, who had his legs wrapped around Walt’s waist. Walter placed Jesse’s ass on the island in the kitchen and continued to kiss his lips with a hunger he knew he hadn’t felt in years. Kissing Skylar had become habitual, kissing Jesse was like discovering life all over again.

 

( _It was always you…)_

 

Walt lifted up Jesse’s shirt with one hand and with the other, gently pushed him down so he was laying on the island. Walt continued to lick, then kiss and nip around Jesse’s stomach. Jesse moaned some more as his started arching his back up at the wet sensation around his belly button.

 

_(Can’t believe I could not see it all this time_ …)

 

Walt licked at Jesse’s furry treasure trail as he made his way up the young man’s body. Jesse bit down on his lips again, but found himself letting out another loud moan of pleasure.

 

( _All this time_ …)

 

As Walt made his way up to Jesse’s chest, he grabbed the edges of Jesse’s shirt and started to yank the clothing off of him. Jesse tried to help him, but the frantic movements of both men almost caused the shirt to rip. _Fuck it_ , Jesse thought, _I have many others like this._

 

( _It was always you_ …)

 

Finally tossing Jesse’s shirt off to the side, Walt stood up and began fanatically unbuttoning his own shirt. Jesse sat up and began working on several buttons himself, pressing his mouth against Walt’s with the same passion that had started all of this. As Jesse managed to get a few buttons undone and slipping his hands against Walt’s bare skin on his stomach, Walt found himself thrusting against Jesse.

 

( _Now I know why my heart wasn’t satisfied_ …)

 

Walt got the remaining buttons off and threw his shirt onto the kitchen counter as Jesse began working on his belt. Walt reached down and did the same to Jesse’s boxers, easily ( _thank you Jesse for wearing clothing way too big for you)_ yanking them off and onto the ground.

 

( _Satisfied_ …)

 

The feeling of the cold kitchen island against Jesse’s bare ass made him softly whimper. He continued to fidget with Walt’s pants and swiftly, those fell to the floor as well. Both men placed their hands on each other’s cheeks and kissed once again. Pulling away, they both looked down at their hard and slick members pressing tightly against each other’s. Jesse’s hands moved down from Walt’s face and he placed them on Mr. White’s hips, looking back into Walt’s eyes.

 

( _It was always yooouuuuu_ …)

 

Walt wanted to frame the sexy, seductive grin spread across Jesse’ face in that moment. The way his eyes were twinkling with lust at that very second. _Everything about this kid should be illegal_.

 

Jesse bit his lip in the way that made Walt lick his own in temptation.

 

“Fuck me, Mr. White.”

 

( _Yoooouuuuuu…)_

 

Walt reached up and grabbed the back of Jesse’s head and neck, shockingly hard and forcefully that even Jesse was surprised by it.

 

( _No more guessing who_ …)

 

“You’re mine, Jesse. You’re my Jesse,” Walt said in such a Heisenburgian voice that Jesse felt like he was going to go limp from the sheer power and authority that voice commanded. The only voice that he’s ever heard in his life that could make him submit.

 

Jesse reached up and wrapped his arms around Mr. White’s shoulders, pulling the older man closer against his naked body.

 

( _Looking back now I know it was always you_ …)

 

“I’m your Jesse,” The slender man softly whispered as Walt invaded his mouth again with his tongue.

 

( _Always you_ …)

 

Jesse’s eyes snapped shut as he hissed in the pain. Walt was holding him tightly, pulling him closer as he pushed inside. The younger man whimpered in pain, feeling like he was about to break in half like wood being chopped up for a fire.

 

( _You_ …)

 

Walt pushed as far in as he could before starting to pull out. Jesse’s body gave off a shudder that vaguely reminded him of an ice bath he once took. Scorching hot day, immediate relief. Pleasurable. He gripped Walt’s shoulders again as his partner thrusted back inside of him.

 

( _Always you_ …)

 

Jesse buried his head into the crevice between Walt’s neck and shoulder as Mr. White picked up the pace, and depth, of his thrusts inside. What started out as excruciating pain, Jesse now treasured. Throughout his life he had tried many different drugs, each of them producing their own definitions of a high.

 

( _You_ …)

 

This high, however, was different. Powerful. More intense than any he had ever experienced in his life. Jesse held on tightly to Walter, as if the older man’s love making was his only salvation. He feared that if he let go, he would be washed away in the raging river that consumed his life.

 

( _You_ …)

 

Walt had done many things, killed a few people, lied to his family and friends and built up a network of drugs and corruption that many could never, and would never, fully comprehend was the brainchild of a high school chemistry teacher. But no matter how dark and deadly Heisenberg got in his quest for power and for an empire, even after all he had done and been through, there was only one chain that kept him hooked to Earth. One chain that helped him see the light. One person who meant more to him than any other person in his life.

 

( _Always you_ …)

 

Spent, exhausted, slowly coming off of the best drug either of them had taken. Jesse and Walt stared up into each other’s eyes, breathing very heavily, running their hands over the sweat covered bodies of one another. Walt’s lips trembled as he tried to speak, but Jesse pulled his head against his own neck, cradling Mr. White in his arms.

 

( _You_ …)

 

Jesse rubbed Walt’s back gently, in soothing circles over the naked skin. Walt tenderly kissed Jesse’s neck, which Jesse repaid with a gentle kiss on his bald head.

 

“I… I love you, Jesse.” Walt muttered as he closed his eyes and held onto Jesse as tightly as he could. He knew the power Pinkman had over him. Whenever he would rage out at a co-worker, a student, his family, the only thought that had any chance of calming him down was that of the young man in his arms.

 

( _Woke up sweating from a dream_ …)

 

Jesse pressed his cheek against Walt’s head, closing his eyes in an attempt to trap the tears that formed. One escaped, however, and rolled down his cheek. Jesse never believed he deserved love. Family gave up on him before he even left high school, friends only seemed to care if he brought them the newest crystal. Jane came close, he DID love her, but Jesse always felt deep down that that was physical, lust, desire. This, right here, right now, was pure. Heartfelt. Soulful. But as with everything else in his life, he believed that if it felt right, it must be wrong. Nothing good ever lasted with him. Why would this be any different?

 

( _With a different kind of feeling_ …)

 

“I love you too, Mr. White,” Jesse said softly as he kissed Walt’s head again, now letting the tears flow freely from his red-rimmed eyes.

 

( _Feeling_ …)

 

Walt lifted his head and smiled, holding Jesse’s face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe away the tears. After a moment of staring into the souls of one another, Walt and Jesse kissed one more time…

 

One last time.

 

_(Feeling_ …)

 

Walt sat in his Aztek, staring into the open windowed Mexican restaurant. Jesse sat there, with some girl his age who also had brought along a kid with them. Younger brother? A son? Jesse and this girl appeared to laugh, having a great time. Jesse even did some sort of “trick” with his hands, in some attempt to impress the young boy.

 

( _It was always you_ …)

 

Jesse stormed towards the two men in the abandoned lot. He reached into his black jacket and gripped the gun, while the two dealers watched him and did the same. _They killed Combo. They killed Andrea’s little brother. Time to die._

 

As the dealers raised their weapons at Jesse, a familiar SUV drove in like a bat out of hell, from out of nowhere, and struck the two men. One went under the car, while the second flew upwards and over the Aztek.

 

( _Can’t believe I could not see it all this time_ …)

 

Jesse’s mouth dropped open as Walt stepped out of the car. He eyed Jesse for a moment before running over to the man who went over his windshield, reaching down and grabbed the gun.

 

Jesse tried to breathe normally, but he couldn’t. His eyes started to water as Walter pulled the trigger, shooting the lone surviving dealer straight in the head. Jesse flinched.

 

“Run.”

 

( _All this time_ …)

 

Walt sat next to Jesse in the hospital waiting room, doing everything he could to comfort him. Walt did this to Jesse. Walt had poisoned the child that Jesse treasured like his own son. If Jesse ever found out… no, he can’t. He did this for a reason. Walt knew what he did was sick and disturbed, but… he couldn’t lose Jesse. Not again.

 

( _It was always you, always you_ …)

 

Jesse sat on the floor of his house, hearing Mr. White flush the toilet in the bathroom after telling Jesse he would dispose of the ricin capsule. Tears began to flow down his face. He frantically reached up to wipe them away, but the more he rubbed his face, the harder the tear flow was.

“Well I don’t know about you, but I for one could use a beer. You have any? Jesse?”

 

“I almost shot you.”

 

( _Now I know why my heart wasn’t satisfied_ …)

 

Walt sat on the couch behind Jesse, gently and tenderly rubbing the younger man’s shoulders. Jesse rubbed his hands together, overcome with shame and embarrassment.

 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Mr. White…” Jesse said as a fresh wave of tears escaped his baby blues. Walt wanted nothing more than to pull Jesse into his arms and kiss him, comfort him, relax him, but he was afraid. Jesse was an emotional wreck and any wrong move would only make it worse.

 

“I don’t know how I could be so stupid.”

 

“Hey, stop that now. Come on.”… _Please don’t cry, baby. You have every reason to hate me… I love you. Please don’t cry._

 

( _Satisfied_ …)

 

The final chance at confrontation. Heart broken. Mr. White had tried to take everything from him. His life, his love, his “son”. This mother fucker was going to pay. Wired up by Hank Schrader, Jesse walked determined through the park, straight for Walt.

 

_How could you? You knew how much I love her, how much I loved him! If you loved me so much, why would you threatened to take them away? What kind of sick fuck does that to the man you’re gay for?_

 

( _It was always yooouuuuu_ …)

 

“Pinkman. Found him.”

 

One of Jack’s men held Jesse down, kneeling in the sand and rock. Tears streaming down his face. Walt felt heartbroken, betrayed. Yes, he had poisoned Brock. Yes he had done so many other things to protect himself… but also for Jesse. To keep Jesse safe. To keep Jesse loyal. To keep Jesse his. Walt felt a small, solitary tear escape his eye as he watched Jesse pathetically mouth his name in desperation. _Hate me, Jesse. What we have is over. Hate me._

 

Jesse breathed heavily, his eyes full of fear and terror and… love. Walt was his last chance at life. _Please don’t let them take me._

 

“I watched Jane die. I was there and I watched her die. I watched her overdose and choke to death. I could have saved her… but I didn’t.”

 

_I’m sorry, baby._

 

( _Yoooouuuuuu…_ )

 

Walt held Jesse down tightly against the floor as the machine gun contraption in his car slaughtered every single last one of these Nazi fucks who stole his product, threatened his life and made his Jesse their slave. His beautiful Jesse, battered, broken, dirty. No angel should go through this hell. Walt wished he could take back the past, never reveal Jesse to Jack and his men, Walt was king of horrible, fucked up decisions. The best he could do to repay Jesse was keep him from getting shot.

 

Even if it meant taking a bullet himself.

 

( _No more guessing who_ …)

 

Walt kicked the gun over to Jesse, who slowly picked it up and aimed it at his partner.

 

“Do it. You want this.” _After everything… you need this to be happy._

 

“Say the words! Say you want this! Nothing happens ‘til I hear you say it!”

 

“I want this.”

 

_No Jesse… please… pick up the gun._

 

“Then do it yourself.”

 

( _Looking back now I know it was always you_ …)

 

Walt lay dying on the floor of Jack’s meth lab. Cancer didn’t get him in the end, but he was dying exactly how he thought he would: bleeding out from a gunshot. But with a twist, from his own gun. _Someone has a sick sense of humor._

 

As the lights faded, and his lungs took in their last gulp of air, all Walter White, Heisenberg… Mr. White, could think about was Jesse.

 

_(Always you_ …)

 

_Goodbye Jesse. Enjoy life, enjoy freedom, and enjoy the Alaskan wilderness. I’ll watch over you, keep you warm, and be the guardian angel who failed you in life. It took me 50 years to wake up, 50 years to find my soul mate. Never would have imagined it would be you, Jesse Pinkman. I waited 50 years for you; I can wait another 50 to see you again. Maybe some day I can make it up to you. Maybe one day you’ll forgive me. Maybe one day I can show you my love for you._

 

_Maybe._

 

_Maybe in the next life._

 

( _It was always you_ …)

 


End file.
